I once said that my aim in life was to be as self-less as possible. A bit ideal and over-simplified at the time, though it is still an aim I have. Thinking of others before yourself is a complicated task. Fairly easy, but not so transparent as you would like. I find that it is not the hardest thing to do, though it is very seldom realized. Giving everything while taking little is a very honorable pursuit in my mind, but when does taking nothing become a problem.

I am not one without faults. But for my faults I hope that there are virtues to counter. I realize that many things are dual, where there is a constant opposite to everything. And aiming to be self-less is sometimes not the simplest or easiest choice for all those affected, especially myself.

How does one help others, before they have helped themselves? How does one give advice when they know not themselves? Too often I think that in the pursuit of a greater cause that one's own situation is sacrificed. While, I don't think that I will ever stop aiming for that greater cause, I must stop and wonder if I am going about it the best way. Am I settling? Am I not trying? Am I trying to hard but towards the wrong aim?

Recently I find myself in a very uncomfortable position. Lost in a labyrinth I have created for myself. Knowing not which way to turn, no possible route towards and end, and stuck in a place I should never have entered. I have settled for less too often and am now trapped. I lost my sense of directions staring up towards the stars instead of concentrating on my movements around every corner of the path. I am now stuck in a place where instead of many options, I have but a few, and seemingly none are getting me closer to an exit.

Personally, people will hopefully never understand how I may be able to do things. In a way, being self-less really isnt for them at all. It is a rather selfish way to feel good about myself, but it is not also about the recognition. On the other hand, it is difficult for being 'self-less' can be extremely taxing emotionally. Losing the ability to relate from fear of loss, or doing without because it is the 'right' thing to do. Where does this end, and the individual must look out for themself so that they are no longer under pressure. And how much can one take?

Professionally, where does one get for acting self-less? With a client, what do I get for surrendering to their desires? Almost always nothing. Professionally, I feel it is almost always the wrong thing to lay down for the client, leading mainly in poor results. It is clear that what is best for you is best in the end. Professionally, never settle. Find your beliefs and stand too them or you will also find yourself in the labyrinth. I know this becuase I am there now. Only now I am able to see which direction I need to go and can make the appropiate turns to find the exit.

Is it possible to follow the professional path with the lesser degree of gray in a personal context? I think so. Finding your beliefs and values and holding to them is important, and in the end it may be all the easier to see what is best for you, is also the most self-less. All in all, this is just another example of thinking before acting, and definitely of others before yourself. I hope that I am able to fulfill this one day and that maybe it is realized by myself and those that I am hopefully doing right by.